Today. Is. Wash. Day

Click to see this curly girl's weekly hair regimen on www.mylifewithhimandthem.com

Growing up, I used to hear the words wash day and I’d instantly think of washing the clothes. Now that I’m adult, it has taken on a whole new meaning. Wash day is what it’s called. But it actually wash day day, condition day, detangle day, and style day.

It’s enough to make your mind tired and your arms tired, but the end result can be amazing. Kind of like that feeling we get when parenting goes right.

I love my hair. I do not love doing my hair. However, I do understand that an important part of having hair that I love is taking care of it so I can continue to love it. For many women, the plight of hair is one that has great and beautiful rewards, but the journey is not always fun. Natural hair girls tend to love sharing hair advice, tips, and information, so I decided to share my hair process here. Not as a hair expert, but as a naturally curly girl who recognizes the need to talk about hair.

The Regimen

A hair care regimen – just like a skin care regimen- is something everyone needs. It’s a carefully followed process for taking care of something. When I have a hair care regimen and I follow it, my hair grows faster, I understand my hair type better, and I know where my pitfalls are and how to combat them. For me, the struggle with shrinkage and split ends is real.

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The struggle is real for me when it comes to shrinkage and split ends. Note: This post contains affiliate links.

At the request of a friend, I actually tracked my hair care regimen over the course of the week. If you follow me on Snapchat, then you may know the downside to my tracking week, because by Thursday I was tired and all I wanted to do was put my hair in a ponytail. Which, I almost did, but then remembered I had an event to attend Saturday so not only did I have to continue to study my hair, I needed to stretch the style.

When I wanted to say “Ain’t nobody got time for that,” I kept going. I’m glad I monitored my hair care habits this past week because this process isn’t easy, but the results are beautiful. Welcome to a week in my hair care world. Continue reading “Today. Is. Wash. Day”

Stop Trying to Get Your Sexy Back

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We could blame this post on authors like Terry McMillan and Vicki Iovine, who made millions of dollars writing about the loss of grooves and sexiness in women. But we shouldn’t. We could blame this post on the men we’ve loved with wandering eyes and philandering ways. But we shouldn’t. We could, as with all the ills of the world, blame this post on the media, because they sensationalize everything. After all, it really is CNN’s fault if I don’t feel sexy, right?

Wrong. I’ve got a newsflash for women everywhere today. If you feel that you are no longer sexy, if you feel that your sexiness is gone, it’s not. You don’t need to get your sexy back because you never lost it.

Every woman is sexy. Every woman has a goddess within. Every woman is drop-dead gorgeous. It doesn’t matter her age, her size, or her hair color. What matters is that she knows it.

There is a unique and powerful shift that happens in the minds of women as life happens. For some of us it’s just the idea of getting older. For others, it’s giving birth. And for many more women it’s a life-changing career event or momentous occasion. Somehow along the way, we have connected life’s pitfalls to the demise of our sexy.

About ten years ago, I had one goal – to get my sexy back. I had given birth three times, with two of those times being a c-section. My body had ugly scars, the sleep deprivation of parenting toddlers was visible in my eyes, and I had a thyroid that was totally out of control. The last thing I felt was that I was sexy. But the funny thing I’ve discovered is that even though I didn’t feel it, that sexiness still existed within me. And that’s a lesson that took me almost 10 years to learn.

Sexiness is not a temporary state of being, it is an acceptance of your personal power to create, share, and enhance your beauty from within. Sexiness, true sexiness, begins within and manifests itself as a power like no other.

Somehow along the way, we have connected life's pitfalls to the demise of our sexy.

Like many women I know, when I turned 40, I celebrated big. When I look back now on pictures from that celebration, I am pleased with my physical appearance that day.  I’m pretty sure that I was sexy. It  was a great day and I looked and felt beautiful. Not because of the makeup on my face, not because of the cute cowboy hat on my head, but because of the way I felt about myself. It was the way the jeans I wore hugged my body. It was the perfect combination of peach and pink in the shirt I wore. It was the fun and thrill of being surrounded with by some of my closest friends.

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Turning 40 taught me that I never lost my sexy.

To say I’ve felt sexy every, single day since I turned 40 though would be a lie. I can say that in the past three and a half years, I have felt sexy more than I did then the entire decade of my 30s. Here are some tips to help you remember your sexy,  no matter what:

  1. Perform one act of pleasure for yourself every day. I mean this in a totally non-creepy way, y’all. (Unless that’s how you roll, and if it is, you do you.) For everyone else, savor 30 minutes to watch the sun rise. Make yourself a cup of hot tea. Light a candle. Do something at least once a day that brings you pleasure. Just for you.
  2. Admire a photo from a time when you were living your best life and take on the energy of that picture. An old friend shared a photo of us on Facebook from the summer after we graduated from high school. That picture represents everything I love about myself. I was young, carefree, I had my whole future ahead of myself, I was hugging one of my best friends in the world, and it was a really good hair day. This photo can be from any era in your life. Put it in a place where you will see it often, and believe the energy from that picture surrounds you now. Check out this example from my life:
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This is a photo from the summer of 1990 that represents the energy I love about myself. I channel this photo every, single day.

 

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This is a selfie I took earlier this year while waiting in the carpool line to pick up my kids one day. I love it because 25 years later, I still feel the energy (and good hair) from the first photo.

3. Be vulnerable to the process of the universe. Trust me when I tell you, being vulnerable is hard, but it is worth it. I personally believe that there are certain laws of the universe and vulnerability is one of them. I’m not even sure of the why, but I know when I opened myself up to both love and loss, I gained more love and peace and joy that I ever had before. Maybe it’s the fact that I didn’t spend all of my time mourning for my hardened heart when I talked about my job or my marriage or my health issues and instead I used that energy to focus on the good in the world.

If you’re interested in exploring the concept of vulnerability more and how it it can work better in your life? Click here to join my free vulnerability challenge starting April 1.

4. Do the work from the inside. Explore your fears, understand why they are your fears, and develop a plan for overcoming those fears. This is an ongoing process, and I’m okay with that. Have I ever told you about my fear of birds? Specifically live chickens? That’s a blog post for another day. Actually, I have written about it and if you’d like to know about that madness in my life, click here. You can also  do some soul searching to ensure you walking in  your purpose every day and manifesting everything your heart desires. (If you’re a reader and you’d like some suggestions on books that can help you do the work, click here.)

5. Pray for the happiness of others. When you tell those in your circle that you are praying for them, what exactly are you praying for? Usually, I’ve said those words when the people I love are faced with a health issue or some type of emotional distress. That night or early the next morning, I pray to God that they are delivered from whatever the problem in their lives was. And if I can be totally honest, that’s it. I don’t typically pray for those in my circle beyond that. Think of how amazing it is to pray for the happiness of others, even if they are already happy. Trust me, they can be happier, and even experience more joy and growth and love. That’s the way the universe works if we just pray for happiness.

The bottom line is this my friends, you are sexy if you know you are, period. Today I challenge you to own that sexy and no matter what happens, maintain it. Will you do it?

 

 

She Did My Hair

A 10-year-old gives her mom a new look!This week, I took mother/daughter bonding to a whole new level. I need you to indulge me here for a few moments and stay with me. Do you remember how you learned about beauty and hair? Magazines and girlfriends, right? And now, our kids have YouTube in addition to those things…but ummm, what if they need to practice?

My daughters are at the age where they are learning how to properly care for hair. And since we are all naturalistas, we are trying a lot of different products and regimes to learn. We share all kinds of hair ideas, apps, and advice. But what’s a mom like me to do when T2 asked if she could actually do my hair?

Let’s pause. She’s 10 years old. I love the way she brushes my hair, but she didn’t want to just brush it. Her exact words were, “can I flatiron your hair?” I had to breathe…was I really going to give that child a heat appliance and allow her to use it in my hair?

I talked to friends. I put it out there on Facebook. Cheryl even thought we could distract her by having a hair product fun night at her house where we girls all washed hair and tried different products on each other. And it worked.

For about 3 weeks. And she asked me again. And she looked really cute when she said it.

So I mentioned that in the summer, I wear my hair naturally curly and I reserve the flatironing for the fall. To which she replied, “Okay…let me work on your curls.” Sigh. So I did it. We worked on my curls for a couple of weeks. And here’s what we did:

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I washed my hair and she braided it all over. I spent two days with it in the braids over the weekend and took it down. The curls were beautiful but I had a lot of shrinkage. That was week 1.

In week 2, she attempted to do a dry braid out.

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Here she brushed my hair and then braided it dry. She felt that she needed more braiding practice before we told anyone about the style. Lol.

Which brought us to the day of the flatiron.

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She didn’t burn me. And she was very careful about what she was doing. This was her favorite flatiron moment:

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She told her siblings that special move gave my hair more body. “It’s a special trick that only certain stylists know,” she said.

So because it’s summer and there’s a thing called humidity, my hair was not straight very long. And she had to come up with a new style for hair-that’s-been-flatironed-but-doesn’t-look-like it. And she researched on YouTube some more. And she did it.

And guess what? You get to see it tomorrow when I post a VLOG with the results!